Funny Gambling Sayings

Viva Las Vegas! It’s the entertainment capital of the world, with shows, music, gambling, and much much more. Whether you’re there to gamble, to catch a show, or just to see the sights, Vegas is a great place to make some memories (even if they have to stay in Vegas!) and that means taking some great pictures and videos for your Instagram feed. But once you have those pictures, you’re going to need some snappy, catchy, or just plain literary quotes for your captions. That’s what we’re here for, so let’s get started!

1. Funny Casino Quotes
2. Casino Lingo

Love for Las Vegas

• “Las Vegas looks the way you’d imagine heaven must look at night.” – Chuck Palahnuik
• “Vegas is everything that’s right with America.” – Drew Carey
• “Man, I really like Vegas.” – Elvis Presley
• “Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.” – Artie Lange
• “Las Vegas is sort of how God would do it if he had money.” – Steve Wynn
• “A little bit of this town goes a long way.” – Hunter S. Thompson
• “Las Vegas is the savage heart of the American Dream.” –

Tip: These funny sayings about life are great for photo captions on Facebook, Instagram, and other social media. Humorous Quotes. The only time I don’t have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. Gambling is the son of avarice and the father of despair. French Proverb; Gambling itself will only end when human nature has changed completely and there are no more bets to win. Gambling may be wicked; it is very stupid; but it happens to be an innate characteristic of mankind, and that is all one need say about it. Funny Gambling Quotes. TIPS FOR THE GAMBLER 'There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.' — Jack Yelton 'The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.'

• Vegas is the answer no matter the question.
• Keep calm and go to Vegas.
• Life is more fun with games.
• Vegas, here I come!
• City of lights, smiles, and memories.
• “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas … but that doesn’t matter when you live there.” –
• Here I get a break from my own thoughts.
• Viva Las Vegas
• Shiniest place on Earth.

Oasis City

• “Las Vegas: all the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.” – Jason Love
• An oasis of fun!
• Desert rose.
• The shiniest mirage.
• Figurative and literal oasis.
• “The view from the window, particularly if you enjoy neon, is extraordinary.” –

Vegas Shenanigans

• “What happens in Vegas, I’m telling everyone.” – Dane Cook
• “There’s just no quiet in Vegas.” – Barry Manilow
• “Boy, you get greedy in Vegas.” – Louie Anderson
• “Every time I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.” – Artie Lange
• What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
• “Buy the ticket, take the ride.” – Hunter S. Thompson
• Alcohol you later!

• I would just like to apologize in advance for my behavior in Vegas.
• Goodbye reality. Hello Vegas!
• Meanwhile, in Vegas…
• “The secret of Vegas is that money is boring. Hence all the bluster.” –
• The sky’s the limit.
• “Everyone was going to lose their money at some point. You may as well do so half drunk and at the mercy of a pretty smile.” –
• Sun City

Lady Luck

• “Luck is believing you’re lucky.” – Tennessee Williams
• “Luck be a lady tonight.” – Frank Loesser
• 0% Luck – 100% Hustle
• May good luck be your friend.
• My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, then people would stop dying.
• I make my own luck.
• “If I lost all, at least I would have played for it. It had always been my philosophy that one must play, or be a loser two-fold.” –
• The night is on my side.
• You don’t need luck when you’ve got these skills.
• “Everything’s a gamble, love most of all.” –

Gambling Galore

• “May the flop be with you.” – Doyle Brunson
• “If you can’t beat them, bluff them.” – N.R. Kudelis
• Life is a gamble.
• Life is like a poker game; it’s not what you’re given – it’s how you use it.
• “I don’t gamble, if you will concede that poker is a game of skill.” –
• Let the chips fall where they may!
• “All life is a gamble and our lives are the dice we throw.” –
• Keep calm and play poker.
• “The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.” –
• “It’s hard to walk away from a winning streak, even harder to leave the table when you’re on a losing one.” –
• Never bet against the house.

• Going to Vegas and not gambling is like going to a restaurant and not eating.
• Because if you’re not winning, then what are you doing?
• “It is impossible to change your luck. But, you can always change the machine you are at!” –
• Go rich, come home richer.
• “Life’s a game and men the gamblers. They’ll stake their whole pile on the one chance in a thousand. Take away that one chance, and – they won’t play.” –
• Poker face.
• “The greatest risk is not taking one.” –
• Snake eyes!
• “Gambling isn’t fun; winning is fun.” –

Vegas Flicks

• “Why can’t we remember anything that happened last night?” – The Hangover
• “Why don’t you give me half the money you were going to bet, we’ll go out back, Ill kick you in the nuts, and we’ll call it a day.” – Vegas Vacation
• “You’re either in or you’re out. Right now.” – Ocean’s Eleven
• “I haven’t seen so many side burns since West Side Story.” – Honeymoon in Vegas

Vegas in Literature

• “Las Vegas suggests that the thirst for places, for cities and gardens and wilderness, is unslaked, that people will still seek out the experience of wandering about in the open air to examine the architecture, the spectacles, and the stuff for sale, will still hanker after surprises and strangers.” – Rebecca Solnit
• “Everyone is a bender away from oblivion.” –
• “I came to see that Las Vegas is not a freak but is, instead, deeply integrated with the rest of the country, and the world beyond. It is symptom, mirror, metaphor.” –
• “One more cockeyed optimist thrown under the reality bus.” –
• “I love Las Vegas because it’s the one city less classy than Los Angeles.” –
• “The people who say New York never sleeps must have never visited Las Vegas.” –

Gambling Quotes

• “It’s like gambling, somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good, or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.” — Jim Morrison
• “I’ve never been to Vegas, but I’ve gambled all my life.” — Ryan Adams
• “You must work and do good, not be lazy and gamble, if you wish to earn happiness. Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” — Anne Frank
• “There is something about jumping a horse over a fence, something that makes you feel good. Perhaps it’s the risk, the gamble. In any event it’s a thing I need.” — William Faulkner
• “Life is a gamble, at terrible odds. If it were a bet you wouldn’t take it.” — Tom Stoppard
• “Love is a gamble and sometimes it hurts, but whether you win or lose being in love is a beautiful thing.” — M.J. Abraham
• “If you know you’re worth nothing, only a gamble with death can gratify your vanity.” — Don DeLillo
• “I looked to the ceiling and told God, “God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.” — Kristen Ashley
• “Time is our gambling partner on the other side of the table and it holds all the cards of the deck in its hand, we have to guess the winning cards of life, our lives.” — José Saramago
• “In my life, I’ve learned when to let shit go and when to fight. This, babe, what we got, I’ll fight for.” — Kristen Ashley
• “Maybe that’s why adults drink, gamble, and do drugs – because they can’t get naturally lit anymore. Maybe we lose that ability as we get older.” — Matthew Quick
• “Women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” — Gloria Steinem
• “I generally find,’ Clent murmured after a pause, ‘that it is best to treat borrowed time the same way as borrowed money. Spend it with panache, and try to be somewhere else when it runs out.’ — Frances Hardinge
• “Never kiss a girl whose brothers have knife scars.” — Robert Jordan
• “What is life if not a gamble? — F.E. Higgins
• “Whisky, gambling and Ferraris are better than housework.” — Françoise Sagan
• “I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.” — W.C. Fields
• “Life is gamble, It’s harsh and painful most of the time, and it’s not for the timid. Spoils go to the victor, not to the one who doesn’t even show up for the battle.” — Acheron
• “Gamble everything for love, if you’re a true human being.” — Rumi
• “Everything’s a gamble, love most of all.” — Tess Gerritsen

Now get out on that strip, live a little, and up that social media game.

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The topics for this week’s puns and one liners is gambling jokes. I should add that I’m not much of a gambler; the biggest wagers I seem to make are playing 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I am far from an expert in the topic. As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…

I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol.

Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.

How do you become a millionaire through gambling? Start as a billionaire.

I’m going to an Abba themed poker night. The winner takes it all.

Lost money betting with with one of the big cats at the zoo. Think he was a cheetah.

Did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.

I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.

I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.

I used to love eating chips until I got barred from the casino.

I bet on a horse at 10-1. It didn’t come in until half past three.

Walking down the road earlier and I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop. What are the odds on that?

A friend of mine keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows. I think he has a gamboling problem.

Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? They always fold.

Last week’s snooker jokes are here.

Funny Casino Quotes

If you like these gambling jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

Casino Lingo

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